From before I can remember I have always cared about what others think about me and not just cared a little bit but I REALLY cared, so much that I would get upset if someone didn’t like what I did or what I wore or what I said…When I was little I didn’t recognize it as a problem so to speak and neither did my family or people around me who may have noticed it.
However, when I began to take notice of the “cast of my cares” was when I started school- where kids can be very mean and they really don’t care if what they say hurts the person they are speaking to. I was the blunt of many cruel words. I was short- well I still am short, I wore glasses- I still wear glasses and I liked to follow the beat of my own drum especially with my style of dress- and not everybody I encountered seemed to like me….I took notice of this and it began to slowly take stabs into me and leave wounds and scars- not physical ones but wounds and scars that were only evident to me and sometimes those closest to me. I also had trouble sharing how I felt with people and letting my emotions show.
Fast forward to me as an adult, I am still dealing with and processing thru this part of me that still cares a lot about what others think and still sometimes bases my decisions on the opinion of others. This is called the “Cast Of My Cares” HOWEVER, I am coming more and more to the realization of the fact that the God who created me. made me who I am for a reason, for a purpose, for a time such as this and he didn’t create anybody else to be me but me! Its not that I am afraid of that fact, its that I am still learning how to be exactly the me that he created me to be without caring what others think or feel.
One of the many things that God is using to help me move “The Cast Of My Cares” out of my life is the realization of one of my callings which is missions, it is the world and all its nations and people. Its not just traveling but its traveling with a purpose!!! Which brings me to my World race WHY:
Why did I seek this opportunity of a lifetime, why did I visit the world race website every day in-between taking notes in my oceanography class last semester and read blogs of racers who were currently on the race, why did I pray pray pray and talk to the closest of my family and friends about this? There is no short answer for this which is why I will continue this in part 2.
The word I will leave you with for now for my WHY is LOVE
It is the center of Jesus. of God and should be the center of all we do!!!
Stay tuned for part 2! Love you all!
Wow, Cimone. This entry brought tears to my eyes. Very vulnerable. Very humble and true. I was there by your side for many of those experiences that you described. I remember. God will make lemonade from your pain and it will be the sweetest nectar around. All my love and support to you always.